This time I bring a story about Buddha and anger management came also illustrate an important principle, and it is – the choice of how to respond, particularly verbal aggression, is in our hands. We have to decide whether to take what they give us and the responsibility to conduct our way of dealing with our response to this is.
Sometimes, different people in different life cycles of our generally closest to us, trying to convey to us, sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously, different messages on their perceptions and the world in which they are trying to get us the difficulties and their problems, their fears, guilt, anger , anxiety, aggression, and more.
The problem is when things happen unconsciously by both parties as a way of immediate protection and automatically react without thought or reflection time. This reaction can be offensive and aggressive outburst of anger or defensiveness way of seclusion, self-righteousness or out. As a result, can form a power struggle expressed loud quarrels and arguments infinite silence or, alternatively, contact stress and isolation.
Through protection (unconscious) that people attribute feelings threaten or parts of his personality to other people is called projection. Other concept in psychology called projective identification, whereby, when a person experiences it difficult emotions and impulses that are unbearable for him and difficult for him to bear it, such as aggression, anxiety, insecurity, helplessness, trying to break free of them and one way to do that is by throwing impulses and feelings those on the other. This process is similar to our desire to vomit, to bring deliverance to ourselves, when we have nausea.
For example, a woman who has difficulty with aggression itself, she was brought up to be a good woman, soft, gentle and thoughtful and she can not carry herself as a person with aggression. It has no authority, for various reasons, to express their aggression in which an assertive way, it has a great fear of aggression itself and where the potentially devastating. Aggression she experienced made her catch herself as a bad person contrary to what has been reared and absorbed in her lifetime.
This woman “invite” her partner who shows aggression easily and in different situations in their daily lives she will inspire him to experience his own aggression and expressed in order to (unconscious) “deposit” its aggression in him.
If her husband is not aware of this process it will respond to her repeated aggression and hostility. Now she apparently released her own aggression, she experiences herself as a good person and presented for itself and for the pleasant woman partner and the victim while he as an aggressive and offensive.
Presumably, even if he goes for treatment and run assertiveness is not harmful ways with anger and aggression, although some indeed it wants this change, another part it wants to keep him that he will stay aggressive to express her own aggression. As a result of this ambivalence is to act in different ways to return it to a state of aggressive behavior and outbursts of anger.
It is important to emphasize that the aggressive behavior of the husband is the sole responsibility at 100% and there is no blame on the woman. Also can choose not to act aggressively even if it claims to irritate him. If he does not know another learn. She is responsible for her life and how she chooses to live in them. There is no reason in the world to live aggressively and certainly not violence.
The solution to this is to raise awareness of both, each part of his own contribution to the conflict. It – Be aware of her own aggressive impulses and learn to accept them as part of it and to express them in an efficient way. Is to always be aware of the role he undertook the covert agreement between them and learn to distinguish between one’s own aggression and aggression of his wife. Namely, to study alternative ways especially aggressive behavior, stop express her aggression and her own aggression. It can also decide that he “resigned” the job is not cooperating anymore because, ultimately, he suffers and is not satisfied with the conduct and the way he can change between the closed circuit, reducing the quarrels and intensity.